How To Fight Fair In Relationships


Unfair Fighting Assumptions 

Fair Fighting Assumptions

  1. Conflict is awful
  2. My needs are more valid than yours
  3. Only one can win
  1. Conflict is inevitable
  2. Our needs are equally valid
  3. We both can win 

Unfair Fight Styles

Fair Fighting Guidelines

Bad timingSet a time
BlamingState the problem in behavioral terms
Too many issuesStick to one issue
Covering up other feelings with angerExpress the full range of emotions
Impossible demandsPossible change
Threats and ultimatumsDescribe consequences
EscalationPrevent escalation
Unhappy endingsEnd in agreement, coutner proposal, or postponement

University Counseling Service, The University of Iowa, 3223 Westlawn S, 52242-1100, 319-335-7294 


Posted May 6, 2013