How To Fight Fair In Relationships


Unfair Fighting Assumptions 

Fair Fighting Assumptions

  1. Conflict is awful
  2. My needs are more valid than yours
  3. Only one can win
  1. Conflict is inevitable
  2. Our needs are equally valid
  3. We both can win 

Unfair Fight Styles

Fair Fighting Guidelines

Bad timing Set a time
Blaming State the problem in behavioral terms
Too many issues Stick to one issue
Covering up other feelings with anger Express the full range of emotions
Impossible demands Possible change
Threats and ultimatums Describe consequences
Escalation Prevent escalation
Unhappy endings End in agreement, coutner proposal, or postponement

University Counseling Service, The University of Iowa, 3223 Westlawn S, 52242-1100, 319-335-7294 

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